Be Heard: I Am Who I Say I Am

- Yesterday when I met someone for the first time, I introduced myself as Jay and then about five minutes later, I was like I use they/them pronouns.

I want you to know, even if you're thinking about me to be thinking about me with the right pronouns so just throwing them out there.

My name is Janelle Jay Lawrence and my pronouns are they/them.

I am not a gender expert, but I think I'm really rooted in loving everyone and loving them means affirming them in whatever they bring to the table.

I love you for being you.

That does not make me a gender expert at all because I also mess up.

I just try, which is all I really ask for too.

I am a teacher.

I run a department that is all people of color actually, which I feel really proud of and I advocated for that and because we are all people of color in that space, I know that they try really hard to like hold onto my like pronouns.

Even before I was the chair, like the chair before me was a black man and he was maybe in his seventies and Bill was so sweet because Bill would really try to get my pronouns right and in conversation would be like Janelle, I mean they, I mean that person and I was just like, it's okay Bill, you're trying so hard.

Just keep trying, you're gonna figure it out.

You can use my name... Like affirming in that way also felt really great.

Even though professionally, Bill was not getting like the use of a pronoun and using my pronouns right, there was this level of seeing me, there was this level of trying and that may not be professional, but like on an emotional level, on a spiritual level, that is what I'm really asking for.

I think it's important to me that people use my right pronouns even when they're thinking about me because it's a part of manifesting and it's a part of habit and if you're thinking about me with the right pronouns, then you usually use them when you speak about me and also you can start seeing me as this like gender fluid, gender inclusive person and not like this solo gendered body.

- Look like some collard green, collard green plants, that sound right.

- My name's Brit Fryer and I use he/him pronouns.

The first person that I kind of really tried to like parse out this language around my gender with was with my mom and I just would call my mom a lot and try to like explain kind of why I was feeling the way I was feeling, which through just like talking to her about like the reasons why I was feeling low or sad, I kind of found the thing that was bothering me, which was that I wasn't really addressing this thing with my gender that was kind of like right there and just having that space to like dialogue with someone who wasn't putting judgment on the situation or didn't even have preconceived notions about like what this sadness, this feeling could mean.

That mattered a lot to me.

My mom kind of helped me bring that conversation to like the rest of my family.

Like I didn't have to think about this thing all by myself and then like present it to them all as like a big council meeting or something like that.

I kind of had my mom be the liaison between like other family members and me, which was really great so I didn't have to do all that emotional labor of like explaining myself to all of these people.

- Being that advocate for Brit, that was very important to me to be able to educate my family.

One aunt, I never forget what she told me when I had the conversation with her about Brit.

- Like at first she didn't get it and then she did, but it's more of like an acceptance that like you don't need to get it.

Like I think a lot of parents who even are supportive, they don't really want to like talk about it.

Like they're like, I accept it, but like I don't need to be a national broadcaster about all this information, but I think you weren't afraid to like tell people... Yeah, it kind of was nice for you to like be able to share your experience cause so many people just like don't do that, especially from like a parent point of view because most parents are just like, well, it's like my internal private family thing.

- Yes, private, they don't want you to broadcast, it's private.

- There's some value in like not hiding things.

- If you love your child, that's the best gift you can give them by supporting and advocating for them.

What are we hiding for?

Be seen is what I say.

Family is important to me because it lays the platform for your identity, who you are and who's you are.

- There's once kids who argued about if I was a boy or girl.

There was a brother and a sister, they were arguing, but like I'm just sitting here like Serena, just like boom, boom boom, boom, boom, boom.

Like it's a boy, I'm standing right here, y'all.

It was more of an argument about who's right, not necessarily what I identified as.

There are just little small moments in which I'm out here teaching folks not how to brush your teeth only, but like how to just be kinder humans.

So be out here.

I'm Maya, my pronouns are she and they.

I am a parent to two daughters, a 10 year old and eight year old.

I am a pediatric dentist.

Gender affirmation is something that is like the holistic part of a person.

It's not on like an intake form, it's not a part of your past medical history, it's a part of who that person is and so you have to acknowledge that part to be able to provide the best care.

This is a part of what makes up why a person may not be brushing their teeth, why they may not have seen a dentist in 10 years, why they're taking a certain medication.

I think dental students and dentists alike need to always remember the why, why you chose to do this because it's really easy to be like I'm becoming a dentist for the money or the work hours or the title or a number of things.

Your why was always deeper than any of those things.

You want to provide the best care you can to people who need it.

So it's important to provide the holistic care so that people know that they're seen and not just a mouth or a body part or just a number or a dollar sign.